Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
