I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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