so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
