they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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