so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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