If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
