and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
