sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
grandma shit on top of the toilet
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
