my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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