All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
