Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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