You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
