I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
