She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
