I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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