Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
