Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think a kid would responsible me up
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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