guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
