Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
