think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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