i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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