The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
