I didn't shave. On purpose
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
