my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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