So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
