dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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