Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
