I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
