Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
