my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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