shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
