I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
