I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
