I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
