I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
