There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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