Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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