I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
