we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
