So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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