dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I seem to have left my pride at pride
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
