He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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