Yo dont text me then not text me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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