i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
