I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
