having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
