so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
