Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
