I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
