Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
