I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
