I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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